19 May Fight or Flight: Part 1 – Sydney to Bangkok
I’m either at my best or worst during flying. My inners whine with torment at the prospect of having to remain in a fixed position for longer than 15 minutes without the luxuries of limitless liquid refreshments and fancy in-flight entertainment. The perfect antidote for such first-world anxieties is a seat aboard a classy Middle Eastern airline such as Emirates, Qatar or Etihad. Then I’m a happy chap.
But with all familiar operators booked up for flight XXXX from Sydney to Bangkok I was left with no other option than to go budget. Air Asia, please be kind to me. The aircraft was to be my mile-high mobile home for the next nine hours, before a transfer at Kuala Lumpur and the two-hour second leg to Thailand.
Things didn’t start off well.
“Sir in-flight entertainment is available on iPad, which you must rent.”
Well that’s inconvenient but I have a book and some work to get on with. But a glass of water would be nice.
“Sir, Air Asia is a budget airline, we cannot offer drinks for free, but you can buy.”
Ok, slightly annoying but not the end of the world. But I am quite peckish.
“Sir, Air Asia is a budget airline, we cannot offer meals for free, but you can buy.”
Even the incarcerated Nicholas Cage didn’t have to put up with this frustration aboard Con Air. I would have gladly switched places with him for a marked upgrade.
After contemplating throwing my toys out of the pram I came to my senses and decided that in order to survive the nine hours from Sydney to Kuala Lumpur I would need to line my stomach with a hot meal and lose myself in a Hollywood blockbuster, so I caved in and requested the food menu and the rental iPad. The steward and I were now friends again. Will Ferrell and Liam Neeson saved the day with competent performances in Get Hard and Run All Night, respectively.
Although my heightened theatrics directed at the airline crew earlier during the flight overshadowed both performances with ease. I do not apologise to Air Asia for summoning up the diva in me but thank them for bringing me back down to earth, figuratively and quite literally.